Kia does Cat-urday: Why God created Cats.

Anubis or Sehkmet? You decide

With a hat tip to a Bluebird’s regular weekly post, I give you Peter’s comment on one of my older posts seems appropriate to the Cat-urday Post theme. Here is goes. Enjoy.

I think I should repost the joke about ‘Why God created Cats’:

“And God Created DOG to LOVE Man and CAT teach to him HUMILITY”

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls.
And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility.”

And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

See. I told you it would tickle your funny bone. Now go out there and live out a “Non Disastrous” Saturday. 

-kia

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14 thoughts on “Kia does Cat-urday: Why God created Cats.

  1. Have you ever seen this? I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen

    https://medievalfragments.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/paws-pee-and-mice-cats-among-medieval-manuscripts/

    “Hic non defectus est, sed cattus minxit desuper nocte quadam. Confundatur pessimus cattus qui minxit super librum istum in nocte Daventrie, et consimiliter omnes alii propter illum. Et cavendum valde ne permittantur libri aperti per noctem ubi cattie venire possunt.”

    [Here is nothing missing, but a cat urinated on this during a certain night. Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night in Deventer and because of it many others [other cats] too. And beware well not to leave open books at night where cats can come.]

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another joke from my Christian days:

    God to Saint Francis Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

    Saint Francis It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    God Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    Saint Francis Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    God The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    Saint Francis Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    God They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    Saint Francis Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    God They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    Saint Francis No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    God Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    Saint Francis Yes, Sir.

    God These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    Saint Francis You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    God What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

    Saint Francis You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    God No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    Saint Francis After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    God And where do they get this mulch?

    Saint Francis They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    God Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    Saint Francis ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

    God Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.’

    Liked by 1 person

  3. And here is a joke for our friend Dax:


    A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games.

    The lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts – Janet wanted to outdo all the others.

    Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But, mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, “No mushrooms. They are too high.”

    He said, “Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed.”

    She said, “No, some wild mushrooms are poison.”

    He said, “Well, I see varmints eating them and they’re OK.

    So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.

    Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol’ Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol’ Spot ate every bite.

    All morning long, Janet watched Ol’ Spot and the wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.

    After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 & Mexican dominoes.

    About then, the helper lady from town, came in and whispered in Janet’s ear. She said, “Mrs. Williams, Ol’ Spot just died.” Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

    The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. We’ll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone’s stomach Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

    Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs & the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

    One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, “I think everything will be fine now, and he left.”

    They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time, the helper lady came in and said,

    “You know that fellow that ran over Ol’ Spot never even stopped”

    Like

  4. This joke is all too reflective of the reality of Christianity. It is the type of joke Christians tell when no atheists are around:

    ‘Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

    He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

    He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

    Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.’

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And one final joke:

    ‘A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with the wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail since she was expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Arrived
    Date: April 30, 2017

    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

    PS. Sure is freaking hot down here.’

    Liked by 1 person

          • Well it is an old joke.

            Speaking of old jokes:
            ‘Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
            Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, “Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.” Sherlock said, “And what does that tell you?”

            After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?”
            Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, “Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”‘

            Liked by 1 person

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