Happy Birthday, Emily

I much agree with her this morning. We woke too early after going to bed too late, having watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone last night. Actually, my wife would identify with her words better as she is the one most heavily attracted to blissful sleep. 

For Emily Bronte ( July 30, 1818 to December 19, 1848) this morning in honor or her birthday, enjoy.  -kia

Ah! Why, Because the Dazzling Sun


Ah! why, because the dazzling sun 

Restored my earth to joy 

Have you departed, every one, 

And left a desert sky? 

All through the night, your glorious eyes 

Were gazing down in mine, 

And with a full heart’s thankful sighs 

I blessed that watch divine! 

I was at peace, and drank your beams 

As they were life to me 

And revelled in my changeful dreams 

Like petrel on the sea. 

Thought followed thought—star followed star 

Through boundless regions on, 

While one sweet influence, near and far, 

Thrilled through and proved us one. 

Why did the morning rise to break 

So great, so pure a spell, 

And scorch with fire the tranquil cheek 

Where your cool radiance fell? 

Blood-red he rose, and arrow-straight, 

His fierce beams struck my brow; 

The soul of Nature sprang elate, 

But mine sank sad and low! 

My lids closed down—yet through their veil 

I saw him blazing still; 

And bathe in gold the misty dale, 

And flash upon the hill. 

I turned me to the pillow then 

To call back Night, and see 

Your worlds of solemn light, again 

Throb with my heart and me! 

It would not do—the pillow glowed 

And glowed both roof and floor, 

And birds sang loudly in the wood, 

And fresh winds shook the door. 

The curtains waved, the wakened flies 

Were murmuring round my room, 

Imprisoned there, till I should rise 

And give them leave to roam. 

O Stars and Dreams and Gentle Night; 

O Night and Stars return! 

And hide me from the hostile light 

That does not warm, but burn— 

That drains the blood of suffering men; 

Drinks tears, instead of dew: 

Let me sleep through his blinding reign, 

And only wake with you! 


True Independance and Coffee

Freedom to Be

Coffee in mom’s mug

Pictures of family pets.

Peace makes Holidays


True Independance awaits for all who would refuse to be Slaves. When the life you lead is not truly your own, but given over completely and without reservation to another to do with as He wills, regardless of His intentions or desires… simply because He is more Powerful that you, threatening you with torture and eternal burning for not submitting to His demands, this is not ‘Freedom in Christ’, my brothers and sisters… it is willing Slavery to a Soul Rapist and an Eternal Marquis de Sade. 

Isn’t it a very good thing that there is no Evidence that such a Monster as the God of the Bible actually exists?

Come good Christians… Recovery Awaits.


Xtian HaiKu: “17,574 days”

My twin brother passed away at the age of forty eight,

Three years ago this morning. And I miss him

  • He never got the chance to see his middle girl graduate nursing school.  I did that for him.
  • He never saw her walk down the aisle to marry the smart guy with movie star good looks.  I did that for him.
  • He missed out on the birth of their first baby boy. So did I, but I got the pictures both of the ultrasounds showing the development before birth and the ones after. (I got you bro. Picking up your slack)
  • He couldn’t be there with me and our two Uncles graveside to say good bye as my Grandmother, surrounded by lifelong family and friends, received one final expression of gratitude and blessing for all she was and had given to us.  I did that for him.
  • He didn’t get to celebrate our 50th Birthday with an Old Fashioned Barber Shop ‘Straight Razor Shave’. I did that for him.

I gotta admit, he wasn’t always the best Son, Brother, Husband or even Father, but by all accounts, he loved his Grands. He wasn’t always the easiest to get along with in just about any situation imaginable, but he was My Twin Brother and I loved him.

These are my reflections this morning of Life with and Without my brother, three years on.


Signs in the Heavens

Almost antichrists

that’s what we said to ourselves

two life long twisters


Half an Hour Counts

had my own room twice

top of the hill, on garfield

then when Pam married


Nine Months and Eight years

we were once so close

our choices drove us apart

dad died, we promised


“Left, Left, Left…”

not a Great Father

I was not the Best Brother

Nascar made us laugh



“Hello… who is this?”

“How do I tell Grandma?”

Uncle Mike cries last.


Borrowed Time

I am Half of Two

But there’s a Hole in the Whole

… Heard his voice just now


July 20, 515am: Forever Twins

I shared this with my brother’s three adult children at his memorial three years ago. Names have been ‘initialed’ to respect family privacy. Since then, his middle girl has also married and had a baby boy. The cycle continues. Life goes on. Family endures and stretches into immorality.

We miss you bro. -kia

CJT 6/1966 to 7/20/2014

  • Son, 
  • brother, 
  • husband, 
  • father, 
  • grandfather

C was All of these and more…

  • Friend, 
  • mentor, 
  • counselor, 
  • servant, 
  • champion


He was first a son of T and C, a young couple in their mid twenties, like you all are now, with one 3yr old girl not much older than P and L are now. As a small family just starting out, they had already experienced the loss of a little loved one, my brother M who also passed much too early at 9mos old before we were born. We never had the chance to meet him, but just know that your dad is rejoicing with him now.

As the first sons to a young couple after that difficult loss, C and I must have brought hope back to our parent’s hearts and a dynamic duo, “two for the price of one” set of brothers for our sister P. 


Your dad was a brother next. I have to admit, he was not always the easiest brother to get along with, but still a brother, our brother, who we could count on in a pinch to stand “toe to toe” and side by side with us against all outsiders and threats to our little family. Much, as I’m sure, you all have for each other growing up. Now you will have to even more. 

You are all much too young to have lost your dad, but remember… You have not lost each other. Don’t lose each other. Stand toe to toe. Side by side like he did for us. Our Brother.

V, or should I call you A? Now as a full grown, strong hearted man, husband, father yourself,, you’ve been Brother to these two girls, now full grown also. But there is a different V that I remember also. My dad, your grandfather, used to call you Guido or Gordo. You were just a baby, not much more than a year and a half when C surprised us all by announcing his engagement to marry your mom. S, you were there too, just not quite yet. 😉

Husband and Father:

In 1988, the son, our brother, became a husband and accepted the responsibility of being an instant father of one (and a half 🙂 ) 

I’m sure you could all tell me much more of his successes and failures in those roles. But remember, those failures that are so easy to remember also had successes. I’m sure there are many more of those than we can remember. We are always more prone to forget and discount what is good as “just what’s supposed to be”. As you all are now becoming parents, A you a mother, V you with a brand new baby boy, remember that your dad was also very much as you are now. A new father, imperfect, fallible, but loving and good hearted.

He loved you all very much and always shone when he talked about you. He was a proud and happy dad because you made him that way. He was especially proud and happy when you gave him those “little pieces of immortality”, the children you hold the way he once held you.

Honor your father going forward by loving and cherishing them as he did you, flawed and imperfect as you all are too.


I think the greatest joy your dad and our brother had in life during these last few years of struggle and ill health was the joy of being a real Grandparent. It seemed he was always sending pictures of P.R. or at the birth of L. I think he was happiest and felt the most freedom as a grandpa. At least that is what I saw in the big smile and toothy grin from the pictures he sent our way. 

When our dad passed and last year our mom, your grandparents, we felt it hard. All of us. As I know you are now and will for years to come. We were all in our forties with families of our own, P and C even with grandkids, but we felt it. They were gone and somehow we felt a little more alone in this world. No longer sons or daughter, orphaned in a way. But still being brothers and a sister, we managed to regain our strength to realize that we had lost them, but they had not lost us. We were still sons and a daughter. We were not left alone in this world by the untimely passing of those we love or who loved us. We had each other as you now have each other. And if you will have us… you now have us too.

We are all sons, daughters, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers and some are even grandmother and grand father, if P and B were here.

  • This is Life
  • This is Loss
  • But This is Family. 
  • And you are not Alone.
  • Feel it… Together
  • Live your lives going Forward

This is the way you honor those who have passed and give immortality to those like your dad, our brother, who have left us much too early. Knowing that they are just on the other side, waiting for us, watching how we live out their dreams and hopes for us.

You will miss him, but don’t miss each other. And don’t miss the lives you hold in your hands as he held yours. 

  • Be Family
  • Together
  • Toe to Toe
  • Side by Side

Against all Comers.

CJT… still,

  • Son
  • Brother
  • Husband
  • Father
  • Grandfather

He will be in our hearts and forever in his children and grandchildren. He will be missed as he is loved.

Your Uncle with love



For TJ’s Household Haiku – Symmetry

((Updating and reposting for my brother this morning))

It’s time once again for TJ’S Household Haiku Challenge. I’ll let him explain in his unduplicateable style… you will find him here


“Welcome to TJ’s Household haiku challenge…If you would like to join then use anything in either the photo or the prompt that speaks to you. As the example shows, you don’t have to use the word in the haiku, just go with any inspiration you get. Share your haiku by putting a link in the comments (click the black speech bubble at the end of the post) and tag your haiku posts “TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge” so that I and others can find them.” 

His name was Chris

I have chosen to go with Twins. My brother and I are twins. Although he passed two (three now) years ago, I still find him in the mirror every morning as a reminder. We were not identical twins, only fraternal, but there were enough ‘identicals’ to make us more brothers than brothers usually are.

In our similarities though there were dark and light differences too. We being of the same, we’re sometimes very different. The guy who fixed our A/C last night had my brother’ name and I immediately thought of him. 

I miss him very much.

For a more pensive take

Is it strange to you too how the word Individual conveys  ‘one’ yet also implies ‘undividable’? I guess it means the most basis unit, unable to be divided, but it could also be applied to a society (or brothers) that sees itself as unable and unwilling to be divided by our differences.

In an artificially Binary Political System here in the US where both of the Major Parties are using differences of all kinds to drive wedges and demonize their opponents…

  • can we see how much we are the same? 
  • Can we choose to be unable and unwilling to be divided? 
  • Can we say with the founders, “we many are one”? 

I sure Hope so… we need to for a Change.

My Entry for this week for your approval. -kia


We both, two of one

Are we simply echoes two?



For TJ’S Household Haiku Challenge: Green

((Reposting from last July))

Life is Robust and Persistent


I’ll start by introducing you to TJs wonderful challenge. If you’re interested in participating, please visit his blog. He really has been an inspiration and motivator for me. Maybe he will for you as well.


“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”- Robert Frost

Life is like a germ
An ever mutating bug
We being just One.

Eternal Matter
Persisting Eternally
Time is Existence

One became Many
Sizes, shapes, colors and kinds
Robust Expression.

We are Connected
All of Us are all OF us
Life is Eternal.

Do you think that the word Life is singular of plural? We may individually cease breathing and return to the Star Dust we were formed from, or clay if you prefer, Does Life ever Really die? Do you really think Recycling began just in the 70s?

Life has been ‘Green’ longer than we’ve been around.